Happiest wipeout

I had extremely serious delusional bipolar day. I tried so hard to get to the point where I am externally eligible for deities seva. Radha Madan Gopal are waiting for me and at the same time gamble with my life. They are still not in my hands and I already feel how cunning, tricky and risky they are. I went through emotional roller coaster to reach my beloved Gurudev for a response to my request. Finally with the help of many wonderful devotees I reached my semi goal. In the morning I got my first response from Gurudev and it was totally against my will and wish. I was immediately shattered. He also asked for some details which I sent him right away and patiently but manically waited for the next part. The whole day was awfully difficult to stand. I was so depressed that started to lovingly blackmail Krsna. I smiled on my thoughts and said to myself it would be interesting if I would take a vow that never again I would look at the face of the deities until they accept my service and personally come to me. In the evening my father arrived to help me with some activities I perform. Just after I heard the beep, checked the app and for the seconds i was totally wiped out. I got the happiest message in my life. „Good. Basically Gurudev is not against. Take the deities. But the condition is you will not abandon your other services“. I burst with happiness. I practically catapult from my body. After the news my father asked what about the altar I’m building, because it’s still not finished and I should hurry up. Yes, sir!